me and my girl

When your child has a fever and isn't feeling well it is a sad thing. Is it bad that I kinda like that she is so snuggly with me? I know she feels horrible... I clipped her fingernails and she cried. You know when you have a fever everything hurts. Apparently her fingernails were included. Poor girly. So feverish little Aly was my little snuggly bug all day Tuesday and most of Wednesday. Today she is getting back to her on the go self... but she has temporary lapses back into snuggleland. I enjoy that I can cuddle her so close and not have a big huge belly in the way. It is the small little things like that which give me joy right now. I would still be huge pregnant and getting within days of my due date, but instead I get to enjoy a sick little baby that wants to snuggle with her mama. Snuggling with Aly makes missing and not being able to hold Hazel a little bittersweet. I get to hold a 28 pound little toddler on her way to becoming such a little girl and I get to rest in the thought of Hazel praising God and hanging out with Jesus in Heaven. I have so much in life to be thankful for and at this time in my life I'm living in thankfulness everyday.

Heyyyy

I was organizing our closet when I came across one of Steven's old T-Shirts. It was so worn out that it was totally in shreds. So we decided to make Aly a lovely outfit with it caveman style.
All she needs is a wood stick and she could be a girl version on Bam-Bam.

Classic

A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's restroom stall.
My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for ajust-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume.It's always fully cranked. There've been several embarrassing times thatI've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by anot-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco. Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I tookCade with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:"Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?" At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full . 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out ofthis stall and reveal my identity. Cade continued, "Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh ... Mommy! I'm trying to see in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!" I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming newborn when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting along time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, "Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!" "No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies. Oh! Mommy!" He started to gag at this point. "Uh oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!" As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself . OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who over heard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone. "Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!" He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door. "Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at, Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?"More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation. "Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy." He started pounding on the door. "Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!" I saw that my "wait 'em out" plan was unraveling. As I sheepishly opened the door, and found an open sink, I thought, Where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my privacy? But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow. (Written by Shannon Popkin, who is a freelance writer, and mother of three. She lives with her family in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where she no longer uses public restrooms.)

Hazel and Emma

The doorbell rang and there were two sweet little boys at my door. They were bringing us a card "for our baby who died." They are 2 of 5 boys of a family who live in our neighborhood. I haven't seen any of their family since we have been home from the hospital. Their mother and I were both pregnant. Actually their were 3 mothers in our neighborhood that were pregnant. One due June 2nd, I was due July 3rd and the other was due early August. I lost Hazel 5 weeks before her due date and another baby was lost to early miscarriage. The mother that was due on June 2nd was induced and had her baby girl Emma on May 30th. The same day that I had Hazel. Hmmmm, not to sure how I feel about that. To be totally honest I feel Jealousy. I know that someday seeing Emma running around the neighborhood will be a nice and sweet reminder of Hazel and that they would be the same age. But right now... not so much. Maybe I'm being petty and childish in feeling this way... but hey this is how I'm feeling. That mother is doing all the things that I would be doing right now. Sleepless nights, nursing, suggling a newborn. She gets to enjoy those things and I'm left empty handed. I feel like I'm sounding boo hoo for me. But I guess I'm having a boo hoo for me kinda day.

Psalm 20

The Assurance of God's Saving Work

May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble;

May the name of the God of Jacob defend you;

May He send you help from the sanctuary,

And stengthen you out of Zion;

May He remember all your offerings,

And accept your burnt sacrifice.

Selah

May He grant you according to your heart's desire,

And fulfill all you purpose.

We will rejoice in your salvation,

And in the name of our God we will set up our banners!

May the Lord fulfill all your petitions.

Now I know that the Lord saves His anointed;

He will answer him from His holy heaven with the saving strength of His right hand.

Some trust in chariots, and some in horses;

But we will remember the name of the Lord our God.

They have bowed down and fallen;

But we have risen and stand upright.

Save, Lord!

May the King answer us when we call.

*************************************************************************

(Thank you lord for answering me when I call.)

Pool Party

Today Aly and Callie were pretty pool girls. We got a ton of pictures of naked bums running around with the hose also. Too Cute. Aly loved being in the pool and what a great day for it. It was fun to get in a pool and swim around with her. She is a little dare devil when it came to being in the water. She just wanted to go free and swim around on her own. She like putting her face in the water too. It was fun to have fun. A little bit of joy was had today and a little taste of the good life was remembered. Laughter and playing is a nice change of pace. Thanks Linds and Callie for a fun day at the pool.

cheese

Who is the biggest cheeseball ever?

Just the best

I just want to stand on top of my house and yell.

"Thank You JLChristStudios!"

http://www.jlchriststudios.com/

360.253.9234

Jason and Lindsay have been so gracious to us.

I want to just yell and tell everyone.

If you need an AWESOME couple to take

portraits of your family call THEM.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Through the loss of our little Hazel I have been able to look at the brilliant photos that they took of her and our family on that peaceful day that we shared with our little baby girl. I called on them to come and capture the loss that we were feeling and they were there. It was the first time they had ever taken pictures of a baby that was no longer of this earth and they captured Hazel as through she was their own. They took such special care as they moved her little body and hands around to take pictures of her. I don't want to decide which pictures to get and put an album together for Hazel and Lindsay is taking care of it for me. I TRUST in her completly to do a job that is of the highest standards. The attention to detail that Jason and Lindsay have with their work is uncomparable.

My hope is that all who read this will consider them the next time they need pictures taken. I promise you will be the most impressed. God has placed them in our lives and when we needed them most they were there. We are eternally greatful for the memories of our time passed with them and we look forward to all our times together with them in the future. Blessings on their family and on that special little baby growing inside her.

Maybe someday again.

Last night Steven took apart Aly's crib. It was bittersweet. I hope someday that it will be used again. Although in the shape that it is in we should just buy a new one. I sat and watched him take it apart with a special helper right in his lap. Aly watched him so intently. She wanted the wrench and she wanted to help so bad. After he was done taking it apart he gave the wrench to her and we sat and watched her go to work. She sat there and got the end of the wrench in the screw and started to try to turn it. She needed help and soon enough she was able to do it herself. She worked on the screws until she lost interest... about 10 minutes or so. We just sat and watched her and giggled to ourselves and how much she is like Mr.D in her own little ways. She studies and wants to see how things work. She is interested in what we do and why we do it.

We counted how many words she can say the other day and we came up with 41. I wonder if Hazel would have been more like me and carefree about how things work. Just glad that they do and when they break...take them to someone like daddy who knows how to fix them.

sweet little hand

Today Kelli is outside with the kids doing yard work. What an awesome servant of God. I don't have to tell her what to do... she is just doing it. I'm inside catching up on emails. Please enjoy the sweet little picture of our little Hazel's hand. She had such long fingers. Much longer than Aly's were. I miss holding that sweet little hand. Our nurse at the hospital made casts of her hand and foot. She made them out of plaster and they are just so precious. Today is the day I had a baby shower. But instead of just cancelling it...we are going to still get together. Thanks friends for pulling it together for me, so we can celebrate the life that we lost and the life that we still have.

A Visitor From Heaven

by Twila Paris

A visitor from heaven,

If only for a while.

A gift of love to be returned.

We think of you and smile.

A visitor from heaven,

Accompanied by grace.

Reminding of a better love

And of a better place.

With aching hearts and empty arms,

We send you with a name.

It hurts so much to let you go,

But we're so glad you came.

We're so glad you came.

A visitor from heaven,

If only for a day.

We thank Him for the time He gave,

An now it's time to say,

We trust you to the Father's love,

And to His tender care.

Held in the everlasting arms,

And we're so glad you're there.

We're so glad you're there.

With breaking hearts and open hands,

We send you with a name.

It hurts so much to let you go,

But we're so glad you came.

We're so glad you came.

We miss you Hazel Hope.

You were born a week ago yesterday.

We haven't held you for a week today.

Hazel Hope