My new Bling

I was given a loose diamond as a remembrance of Hazel from someone very special.. I was also told to have it made into a necklace that I could give to Little Miss A at her graduation. So I took it in to our jeweler and began to describe what I wanted. I wanted to model the necklace after something special to me. As I started to describe a heart our jeweler went over to her desk and said that she had one made and thought it might be what I was wanting. It was perfect. One of their jewelers (the one who made my wedding ring) had handcrafted this heart and the size of the heart would off set the size of the diamond perfect. So I left the loose diamond(always a bit scary... never know if your going to get the same one back) and they set the diamond in a setting and attached it to the heart. I wanted the bail to be set on the necklace so that it layed a bit sideways. Isn't it pretty. So I will have this as a remembrance (one of many that have been given to me by very special people) necklace and I will someday give it to my daughter so she can have a reminder of her sister in Heaven.

Happy/Sad/What?

~HAPPY~

~SAD~

Here are a few more CUTE ones from our Church Picnic.

Like I said in a previous post... I taught her how to frown.


~WHAT?~

Sweet New Baby

One of my dear friends had a baby on Monday. Her and I had talked in depth about what would happen after her birth. If I would come see her... if I wouldn't. I had told her I didn't know how I would react.... I haven't held or been around any newborns since I lost Hazel. In my heart I really didn't know how I would react. I had been in close proximity to a newborn and I had a panic atttack. I didn't see it coming, it just hit me. We were at a park for a birthday party and someone I am aquaited with had her baby there. She and I were due at the same time, so her baby was the same age that Hazel would have been. I took one look at the baby and had to excuse myself. Thankfully we were at a large park and I walked away very quickly without being rude and composed myself. I kept my distance after that. But with my dear friend I thought that it would be different. I had been there for her the whole pregnancy and I was excited to meet her new baby. I went to the hospital on the day that she had the baby. Just as I was getting out of my car one of my friends that I hadn't seen since Hazel's funeral was walking by. She was a lady that was in my group at BSF . I hadn't seen her in a while and it was such God's timing that she walked by just as I was getting out of my car. We chatted for a few and she told me I looked good and that gave me a boost of confidance to walk into the hospital. Also, I was distracted as I was walking into the hospital until I got up to the 4th floor... because I was on the phone with another friend. Before I knew it I was walking past the room that I was in with Hazel. I was doing TOTALLY FINE. I had pictured myself having a melt down in the hospital earlier in my mind... but I was fine. My friends hubby met me in the hallway and we walked in to the room. She was nursing the baby. We talked as she finished up and then I washed my hands to hold the baby. I wasn't on auto-piolot at all. I took the baby into my arms and she was SO cuddly and pretty and ALIVE. What an awesome thing that life goes on and there is hope for her little life. She survived the c-section and was making the sweetest little frowns and grunts right there in my arms. I changed her little diaper. Again, I was just enjoying the feel of a chubby little newborn in my arms. I hadn't held a baby since I held Hazel and I wasn't even hesitant to hold her at all. The thoughts of guilt that I thought I would have weren't there. I thought for sure that I wouldn't be able to bring myself to hold her... but I did and I didn't even have to pause to think about it. I suppose that means that I'm healing.
Then your light shall break forth like the morning, Your healing shall spring forth speedily, And your righteousness shall go before you; The glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; You shall cry, and He will say, Here I am. Is. 58:8-9

Weekend Times

Saturday we took a trip down to Canby for the Swan Island Dahlia Festival. There were acres and acres of Dahlias. It was so beautiful. We walked up and down the rows of flowers and we wrote down our favorites. I would love to have a garden like this will so many Dahlias. I was so inspired to get to planting some Dahlias for next summer. I just love these flowers so much. There are so many varieties... I could just plant them all. They were also selling cut dahlias for $5/bunch. I bought 3 bunches. An Orange, Coral and Red bunch... and ohhh they are just SO pretty. Hey have I talked enough about Dahlia? Can't see them to well.... but I was wearing some capri jeans that I haven't wore since before I was pregnant with Aly....

Moooooving on.

We had our 3rd Annual Church Picnic on Sunday at the park. It was much better weather this year. Last year it was like 90' and little miss aly was a young little tot. She had much more fun this year.... I didn't do to well with my caloric intake at the picnic. I made some zucchini bread and put this icing drizzle on it..... mmmm so good. I had like 2 pieces. I had to have a skimpy dinner. But is was so worth it. I taught Aly how to frown... she is so cute when she mimics me. Here is Mr. D frowning and Aly looking at him. Also... A friend known as Grandpa Ed at church was taking here for a walk and she made sure that he knew about her "oweee" on her knee. She pointed to her knee and said "fall" so he had to give her a band aid and for the rest of the picnic she was showing everyone her band aid. Her "oweee" was so old... there wasn't even that big of scab there. She was just hamming it up with her "oweee".

My Meme

The Meme Rules:

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/stories about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.


Here we go.


#1. If I'm somewhere other than home I absolutly cannot stand on someone else's bathmat. It totally grosses me out. (No offence... it's not you it's me)

#2. I hate to clean house. I have to pretend in my own head that I'm cleaning someone else's house so that I don't skimp and cut corners. I know that if I do I'm going to have to clean it sometime, so I may as well buck up and do it. ( I was cleaning the shower as I thought of this one.)

#3. I cannot stand having long toenails. It also grosses me out to see others have a french pedicure. I know that you have to have semi-long toenails to have one of those and I just wonder... what is underneath those long toenails? You can't see it because of the polish. I just know that there is yucky stuff under there and I just can't stand to have my toenails even the slightest bit long. I have to cut them!

#4. When I was 8ish I was playing the game "let's see if I can knock you over while I swing backwards and you run back and forth behind me"... you may think hmmmm, not a very safe game. Well I guess that fact wasn't to important to me at the time. I was on the swing and was swinging my darnedest to knock over a friend. I proceeded to fall out of the swing face first. My head landed on the cedar chip cover of the ground and my body landed on the step below on the the grass. I bit completely through my bottom lip. I can remember running over to my mom in the house and pulling at her apron and seeing her look down in horror at my bloody face. I had to get stitches to close up my lip and to this day you can feel the scar tissue in my lip and see where my teeth went through to the other side. Ask to see it... it is cool. By the way... don't let your children play that game.

#5. I wanted to name our first child Hazel. Steven had said no way... that is a Grandma name. So we decided on Alyenna if she was a girl. I then I wanted to name our next child Hazel and Steven said no. Until she was born we didn't have a name. I don't remember if it was before or after I delivered our second baby girl that I exclaimed I want to name her Hazel amongst my tears. And Mr. D said "It is Perfect". He came up with her middle name. (Hope)
This is the complete meaning of her name ( we didn't know this until some information was gathered and given to us. )
Hazel- found in Greek, Hebrew and Old English
One who sees God, Commanding Authority, and the vision of God, One who God watches over, God sees. Also, from hazel nuts come oil. In the Bible, oil is for anointing and represents the Holy Spirit's presence and power.
Hope- Eph 1 and Eph 4..... confident assurance of adequate resources...and confident expectation based on solid certainty (of Who God is)
She is in Heaven now and sees God, God is watching over her in Heaven. Interesting stuff huh!
Some of this is the words of my mother-in-law... Thanks to her friend for researching this and telling us.

#6. I have been the product of a miracle. A placeta abruption can be life-threatening to the mother. She can bleed to death. I had a sudden very large blood loss at home and needed an ambulance to take me to the hospital.My mother-in-law was praying and laying hands on my belly while I was in labor to speak to Hazel Hope, so that the power of Jesus would give her life. Those prayers were for me and we didn't know it until after and we realized it. I was ok and my recovery time was very fast. Praise God.

#7. I shave my arm hair so that it is shorter.

#8. I roll and rustle around in bed until I am completely comfortable and it bugs the *%$# out of Mr.D!


Tagged.

Shannon, Kelli, Kristin, Martta, Erica (you need to jump on the blogging bandwagon!!!), Beckie F., Shannon's sis (Kim), Jodi ( you have a blog don't you???)

Yumm-0

This little girl loves her self some corn on the cob. She saw the leftovers in the fridge at about 10am and said "corn". So I gave her a corn on the cob morning snack. She can finish a whole cob! And yes if your wondering I'm not looking forward to seeing it again... and I know I will, because I'm sure that some of it didn't get chewed. Miss D. amazes me with her vocab. I was counting to 10 as I was brushing her hair... you know like Marsha. 1,2,3,4,5........................100. Well, I was only going to make it to 10 with this active little girl. So as I was counting the strokes... 1,2,3 and then she said 4! What? I continued on with 6,7,8,9 and then she said 10! WHAT? Did that really happen? Did I hear that right? No way? Steven and I look at each other like yah right... fluke. Craziness. I will try that again tomorrow after she is out of her bath and I'm brushing her hair again. I wonder what she will say next....?

Post number 100

100 posts...wow. It is interesting to look back and read some really old ones. It really is like an online journal. I need to print these out and put them in a binder or something. I had my first Arbonne class tonight. It went SO WELL. For those of you who are thinking... hey why didn't I get invited? Here is what I have to say. It is SO much better to keep these classes small so that everyone can get their questions answered and we aren't there until the wee hours of the morning. People have to get home to their loved ones. I was home by 9:30pm. Not to bad! Anyways, 3-5 people is perfect. So it was just my first class and I am learning... so that I will be able to do these classes on my own. Right now I have someone helping my with my 1st 4-6 classes. I have a list of 100 people that I want to share Arbonne with and it is only a matter of time until you might hear me talking about it. Feel free to ask me anything about Arbonne. If I don't know I will get you the answer. Tonight was so fun. I love talking about skin-care that I have experienced and that actually is great for my body. No animal yuck...just pure stuff from the earth. I could sit here and type and type about it... but I won't push the hard sale on you. I'm just excited to share. Moving on...
_________________________

My little dearest is getting to be so verbal. She can answer my questions now and she has her own opinion. Mr. D watched her tonight while I was at my class. I called on my way home to tell him where I was he had said that he had just put her to bed. They were playing and when he would ask her if she wanted to go to bed... she would say no. But a little while later she said yes. I wonder what goes on in that little mind of hers that she would be able to discern when she was ready to go to bed on not. There are also funny little things that we are learning about her. Last night her grammy gave her a dolly and a little giraffe. They were held together like the doll was holding the giraffe. Well she didn't like that and she wanted them separated. Also she didn't like the tag on the back of the doll and she wanted it cut off. After papa cut the tag off she pointed to the back of the doll letting her papa know that he didn't cut all of the tag off. Hmmmm. She sure likes it the way she likes it. I wonder where she gets that from... Mr.D I bet. Not a bad trait... it's all in the details I suppose. I'm sure not like that and she spends most of her time with me. Nature vs. Nurture going on I guess.

Sleep...so good.

So here is the final product. I added a bit of bling and a bit of memories. I took some of the dried flowers from Hazel's casket piece that I had dried and used the mod podge to glue those on and then I glued some beads on there too. I think they turned out pretty well. I'm going to show a friend how to do this project over the weekend. She can't wait until we have our next craft night at church. She is big into scrapping and so she has a ton of paper choices.

Aly just amazes me by the amount that this girl can sleep. She just loves it. Today she woke up at her normal time...6:45-7am. I have a doctor appt today at 1pm and I have to have a blood test done before that at noon and then I'm meeting a friend at 11:30 to pick up my Re9 Arbonne Anti-aging skincare set. So I'm thinking hmmmm, when can this girl get her morning nap in? So I decided to try and see if she would be down with going back to bed at 8:30 that way she could sleep and be up in time to leave. I gave her a cup of milk and we sat and read a story then I said "time for a nap" and she laid right down on her pillow and reached back for her "niney" and was down for the count. Everyone had to be there and it is just crazy how she knows if anyone is missing. Bear, Bunny Judy and baby. She will ask for her froggy...but froggy stays in the car along with buddy. Man when I recount how many little friends my daughter has it sounds a bit weird. Sometimes I will take one out of her bed to see if she notices if it is gone and SHE DOES. She asks me "bear?" "go?" with her hands out and upside down in the "i don't know" way. What a funny little girl. She is so in love with her "niney".... when she sees it after being outside playing or away from it for a while... she breaks out it this laughter like "ohhhh my niney where have you been?" "i have missed you so." She laughs and hugs it and lays on the floor and rubs her face in it. Yes, she loves her "niney".

Must keep going.

Still going strong...
Today
Cheerios with 1% 120
coffee with 1% and a dabble of chocolate syrup 165
yogurt with a small amount of oatmeal flakes 140
1/2 tortilla shell with a dabble of homemade hummus and spinach leaves 90
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hmmm what should I make for dinner?
I did my pilates accelerated with my "sculpting circle"... It is starting to get a little easier... I suppose that means that I'm getting stronger! Yeah for results.
I have noticed that my body is getting slimmer. I haven't got on the scale though, I don't want to be discouraged by that number. I'm waiting as long as I can, so that when I do get on the scale I'm encouraged by the number. After Aly gets up from her marathon nap... put her down at 1:15ish and she is still sleeping... I'm going for a walk down to the mailbox. If you have seen where we live you know that we have a great hill to walk up. When I'm pushing the stroller my heart gets to a racing pace very quickly. By the time I get up to the house I'm a huffing puffing fool. I have jell-o legs from walking without stopping. Push it...Push it...the neighbors might be watching...I don't want to look like a wimp... Keep pushing.
Hmmm what should I make for dinner? I use to make out meal plans for the month so that I didn't have this dilemma. I need to do that again. Time to go put the coffee table back after my workout. Shannon how are you doing with your trek to a better body?

A day at the fair

We went to the fair last week. Aly had fun with her friend Samantha and I had fun with my friend Jodi. Aly liked looking at the animals. Here she was showing the cow her "buddy." After a while in the stroller and lunch the girls actually slept. We were walking up and down the aisles in the building and it didn't take to long and they both fell asleep. I think that they slept for about 1 hour and a half. This is after she woke up. We were at the fair for about 4 1/2 hours. We had a yummy expensive lunch...gotta love fair food. Jodi indulged in some pie and ice cream...much deserved for her considering she is due to have a baby any day now.
All in all it was a fun day at the fair. What topped it off was that we had free passes for parking and entrance! Thanks to a friend of Jodi!

inspired to get a craftin'

Inspired by Shannon's art and crafting blog entry, I decided to take on the task. She wrote out all the directions on how to do it.. and hey I can read...why can't I do it. I went to Craft Warehouse and picked out some paper and the rest of the things that I needed and whalaah...see below. Not bad I must say for my first craft. I'm going to do another one that kinda goes along with it... but I thought one would be a good start for tonight. I'm going to hang it in my bathroom. When I'm laying in my tub there is a wall across from me with nothing on it. Now I have a custom piece of art that I MADE! Thanks Shan! (see her blog link on the side of my page... she was chosen as "a creative blog") Which way should I hang it...vertical or horizontal? Like the bling beads that I'm going to glue on?

Life Changing Lessons

Bible Study Fellowship
God is in the smallest details. A friend told me about BSF. I decided to look into the it. I was at a point in my life where I was thinking that maybe it was a fit for me. It runs during the school year and is a faith based work (free). I decided to go to the opening meeting. I'm a fairly shy person and I don't seek out large groups of people where I don't know anyone. I had my friend with me and we were there together(comfort in numbers right?). When you are joining for the first time to BSF you get put on a waiting list. As they are forming the groups they need to make sure there are enough leaders to compensate all the new people wanting to join. I was placed in a group the first week and was able to start the study of the book of Romans. That study changed my life. God was teaching me and preparing me for the biggest trial of my life. It was to come 2 weeks after I finished the 32 week study. I became pregnant a few weeks into BSF. As the study went along I grew with each week. The ladies in my group were in anticipation for the baby to come and were excited to come and see me after the delivery. At our last fellowship meeting together we shared lunch and talked about what we had learned and what had stuck out to us over the course of the study. I don't remember what I said then, but I've started to go back and look through my notes and my lessons to see what my answers were. I wrote a ton of notes about suffering.
Romans 5:3-5 says And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulations produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
My notes from the lecture on that lesson talk about suffering and how God can use it in our lives. God uses suffering to direct us...or to motivate us to change. God uses suffering to inspect us- to show us his strength. God uses suffering to correct us- to show us where we are wrong. God uses suffering to protect us- God uses stuff to happen to us to direct us back to him. God is working his good purposes in all our circumstances. Little did I know that I was going to have to rely on these truths when I gave birth to my baby girl at 35 weeks gestation and she was stillborn. I had a placenta abruption and my baby's blood supply was cut of and she passed away to Heaven on May 30th, 2007. Since that day God has used my suffering to draw me back to him. He has shown himself to me and my family in so many circumstances that we have began to make a list of all the things so that we will never forget. The list is going on 3 pages long. I'm still recalling things. One of the questions in the lesson on Romans 5: 1-11 was Do I have peace with God? My answer on 11/08/06 was "Yes, but I have to remind myself often that He is in total control and He knows what is best for my life". I still feel the same way and find I still have to remind myself that God is in control, but now I'm wondering how could giving birth to a stillborn 5 pound completely normal baby be best for my life? I may never know this side of Heaven. Another question on my lesson from 11/08/06 was How has God used suffering in your life to produce perseverance, character and hope? I answered that "Living in the world today, I haven't had much of any suffering, but that I would have to rely on God to get me through the hard time and when there is nothing left to hold to God is always there."
I can now say with total honesty that is true of me. There have been such sad days where I didn't know how I could go on without my baby here on earth with me. I don't get to enjoy her smiles or her 1st steps. In those sad moments I'm reminded that I could never have given her the life on earth that she now has in Heaven. She will never know suffering, sadness or hurt. She is in glorious beauty face to face with our lord and eternally praising him.
Psalm16:11 says "In your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
A person that we conceived is perfect and is forever praising God. A person that we conceived is at the throne forever praising God. One day me and my baby Hazel Hope will be standing together in the fullness of joy singing praise to our Lord together.

I posted this on a community blog... i thought that I would repost it on my own blog.

feet and hands...

Thank you to our family (you know who you are) for making this temporary headstone for us. We haven't ordered the permenant one. The rock we chose was a rose quartz but they couldn't sand blast it. So they took care of finding another rock and sandblasting it. It is still at her gravesite... but it has some bird poo on it.

My cousin took this picture at Hazel's service. Just thought that I would share. By the way... these are her real hand and feet prints. They scanned them in and were able to sandblast them true to size on the rock. What an awesome memory to see and touch.

not much to say

Not feeling to talkative the last few days. Enjoy this sweet pic of Aly when she was 7 months. A friend took this picture when we were camping last summer. Hugs to all.

her little big world

This is the world that aly lives in. These are the words that she can say. She has gotten to mimicking stage. Mostly the last word that you say she will say.
"do you want to go in the car or the truck"? "truck"
"do you want to go in the truck or the car"? "car"

mommy daddy book loud eva katie erica cody rachelle cracker apple hi money nose eye ear toe clothes toast cow towel hair stick down up close baby feet shoes bear eat monkey fish boots bed bath clock potty shower poo poo coat chair buckle toy car bug guy cookie elmo go ball walk tractor truck hot backpack bee bye todd papa hudy jesse emmy noisy milk push please egg bed juice water ice

almost all of these words anyone can understand.... milk (ka) water (wawa)

She had her 18 month appointment today. tall and thick. 95% for both. she is sure my big girl. I went shopping at the Carters outlet with a friend and was looking at the sizes thinking... I know that the carters 18 month pj's are getting to small. The 24 month size looks just huge, but I know that soon she will fit in it. Today she is wearing a 24mo onesie and a 3T skirt. Crazy how fast they grow. When she got her shots she was yelling Owwwweeee. So sad when they can actually tell you... "owwee mommy".

Maybe a little TMI.

I woke up last night at about 11pm to a voice in the distance. What was she saying? Was it poo poo? Then it was quiet again. Then again a little louder...pooooo pooooo. That was then followed by a meltdown crying fit. I jumped out of bed and hurried to her room. My little daughter had pooed her pants while she was sleeping and as she was pooing she woke herself up. She has been aware of the pooing process and is upset now when she goes in her diaper. She doesn't get to put the poo in the toilet and flush it. I think that since she was half-asleep she was more upset by the fact that she was awakened by pooing her diaper. She was groggy and crying while I changed her diaper in the middle of the night. I put her back in bed and tucked her and she was right back asleep. She hasn't done that since she was a baby. I hope that she doesn't start that cycle of pooing in the nighttime. She has gone already today on her little toilet. Such a big girl!