Miss D in Pictures

AFRAID

PEACEFUL

CONFUSED

FIERCE

SLEEPY

SMELLING STINKY

LAUGHING

GOOFY

HAPPY

THINKING

SILLY

SAD

Fear and Our Illusion of Control

Kathi Pelton: "Removing Roots of Fear"
By Kathi Pelton 
Mar 20, 2009

"Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident." Psalm 27:3

I am always amazed at God's dealings with me. I never cease to be surprised at how He can take me places that I would not go apart from His love and leading. God's recent dealings with me began with personal crisis. Like many of you, our family has been hit hard by the trouble in the economy. My husband's sales have dried up, my oldest son was laid off from his construction job last month and I lost my salary at the beginning of January. But, as "mature Christians" our posture was in faith and not fear...or, so I thought.

We handled the first months of our "crisis" as we watched God provide in ways that were unexpected and unique. But as the months have moved by and our bank account has dwindled to nothing (and no prospects for jobs appeared), I began to move into some fear-based actions even though my words continued to be those of faith. Of course, I did not do this overtly, but took a "composed" posture of fear. I began to ever-so-gently pressure my patient husband to get his resume' out to more and more companies. From there I began to drop subtle hints of things that he could do (and in my opinion should do) to get us out of this crisis.

Your Fear Is Not Subtle to God

Last Saturday morning, I woke up to my husband making us a nice breakfast. But rather than allowing myself to enjoy the blessing, I sat down at the table and began to question him about what he had accomplished during the week in regards to my rescue plan. But rather than give me a detailed accounting, my husband looked at me and said, "Maybe we shouldn't talk because we don't seem to be getting along very well right now."

I was shocked! How could he say such a thing? Wasn't I merely asking about a very real issue? I was merely trying to help my family make responsible decisions in the midst of crisis, right?

Right away the Lord began to speak to me about the motivations of my heart in trying to get my husband to do all the things I had suggested (actually, I wanted to demand, not suggest). The Lord asked me if my suggestions were from His leading or from fear. Well, of course they were from fear, or I wouldn't have needed to cloak them in hints. The Lord then said, "Your hints have not been subtle to your husband or to Me. We both know that you have moved into fear."

I had abandoned two values that my husband and I walk in. The first is that we will never initiate for God, but always wait for His initiation before we act. We wait not only for His wisdom but also His timing. The second value is to know each other by the spirit, not only by the flesh. Spirit to spirit is the way we want to connect with others. Due to the fear that had surfaced in my life, I began to initiate out of my knowledge and timetable rather than waiting for God's wisdom and timing.

I also forgot that my husband knows me "by the Spirit," therefore he could feel the fear and control coming from me even though my words sounded right. These subtle hints I was releasing were like the sounding of an alarm to both my husband and God. They screamed: "Do something just in case Jesus doesn't come through for us!"

Learning from My Writings

The irony in all of this is the title of my article last month called "Peace Be Still." I wrote all about peace and trust in the midst of life's storms. One thing that has been consistent in whatever subject I write or teach about is that I must also learn from them. Releasing it does not exempt me from the truth that needs to be lived out. I often find whenever I write, I am about to be tested on, so that it also becomes truth in my life.

As I realized there were still roots of fear deep in my heart, that dictated to me thoughts of abandonment during difficult times, I knew I needed to allow God to deal with them. As I asked the Lord what to do, His first instruction was to fast (abstain) from any actions that were fear-based. This was in all relationships: husband, children, friends and especially, Him. Having five teenagers who are all embarking on adulthood can really challenge this.

I could now see that even some of my "counsel" for my teens was more fear-based rather than faith-based, and I needed to begin to speak only God's counsel. I needed to turn my children over to the One who loves them even more than I do. I cannot always keep them from the hard lessons of life, but sometimes I need to take a posture of prayer that would back them up rather than try to lead them.

I have never viewed myself as a controlling person, but as the root of my actions have become clear to me, I now realize that fear almost always provokes controlling and manipulative actions. Though these may be "subtle" to others, they are not to God, nor are they to the enemy who is not fooled by our religious masks that try to cover them up.

Remember...Don't Light Your Own Torches!

"But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment." Isaiah 50:11

Ten years ago, I was going through another difficult time. During that time God was walking me through some deep inner-healing from issues in my childhood that were affecting my adult life. As some of the pain and wounds surfaced, I would attempt to find relief from the pain by trying to find my way through it on my own. Though I never made any headway in this effort, it did leave me with a bad case of insomnia that lasted for months.

During one of these sleepless nights, I was searching the Scriptures for some comfort, when I stumbled across the verse in Isaiah 50:11. I immediately realized this was what I had been doing. I was lighting my own torch and trying to find my way apart from His light. As a result, I had lain down each night in torment.

As I repented, things began to improve. Though they didn't change overnight, I began a process of allowing the light of the Lord to lead me through the darkness that I was facing. Now a decade later, though this is a very different circumstance, I am once again facing this truth. I cannot go back to walking in the light of my own torch, but I must wait for the Lord to lead our family through this dark time. Once again I find myself repenting for leaning on my own understanding.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

"Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the first fruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine. My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent His rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those He loves, as a father the son He delights in." Proverbs 3:5-12

He is Forever Faithful

I have settled it: "I don't understand God's ways!" I have also decided that "God is forever faithful, even when I don't understand!" When He says that He carries me (and you), it is the truth.

"There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place." Deuteronomy 1:31

"He tends His flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11

He is our Father, He is tender, He is gentle, and He does not leave us without help. His children are being prepared to walk without roots of fear ruling in their hearts and lives. We must respond to His love—both the love that carries us and the love that corrects us. Join me in fasting from every action that is based in fear. Let us allow Him to pull up every root of fear that ushers us into controlling, manipulative and frantic behaviors. He truly is our peace and we must trust Him even when we don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Don't light your own torch even when all you see is darkness. It is not dark to Him.

"If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." Psalm 139:11-12

We're in this together!

Kathi Pelton
Light Streams Ministries
Email: jkpelton@sbcglobal.net 

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I read this today after I had made myself a cup of decaf coffee so that I could feel my baby move. That was a fear based action. I couldn't have identified that until I was real with myself after I read this. (I love how God daily is renewing my mind). With what happened to our 2nd child I daily have to give the movement of my baby back to God. I can't control if and when he moves... nor can I control the numbers of his days. God my strength and my ever present help is in control of that and I daily have to choose to trust HIM with the issue that I struggle with. After realizing today that I made the coffee and drank it knowing that it would make him move I struggled with what I had taken away from God.  I love to feel my son move because it reminds me that he is alive and I will never take those movements for granted. Where the problem and sin comes in is when I rely on my own strength in acting on the thought that I can control his movements. I love the Elijah List. I receive daily emails from this website and I can't tell you how many times the Words and Articles have ministered to me. They are always so timely. Thanks be to God for using the people and their Gifts through this website. 

Romans 12:2 (New King James Version)

<sup>2</sup> And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

3 year old Art and Memories.

I'm was a little late this year in getting our annual art project out and done. Miss D reminded me today that we should do it. So we got everything out on the table. It consists of 2 canvas 11x14 in size. I skimped this year and bought cheap ones.. which I would find out during the process that I couldn't wipe off the smudged foot print that wasn't up to my standards. Last year there must have been some kinda something on the canvas that made it very easy to wipe off unacceptable foot prints and do them again. Which last year it was much more difficult to tell my 2 year old how to hold her foot.. kinda relaxed so that her foot print didn't smudge. The hand prints last year had to wiped off SO many times... But this year we got the hands and one of the feet on the 1st try. Her left foot was a little smudged so I grabbed the wet washcloth and started wiping... much to my dismay it left a slight pink hue on the canvas where the 1st try was. So we tried the left foot again carefully placing the canvas to the foot... not letting her step on the canvas so that I could direct the pressure. Much better. She had a ball getting paint all on her hands and feet. Not something that she usually is in to doing. The next project was to let her complete a painting of her very own... no direction from me(which was so hard) and when she said that she was done.. I had to let her be done.. no "are you sure"? "maybe just a little more over here"? She did great. This is a great idea from a great friend who had done it with her son for years. It is so interesting to see the progression in the art year by year. We hung them in her "room" as seen above. They are really cute!  

Church Pretties Today

Miss D picked out this dress to wear to church today. We have a ton of little girls at church and it always seems that they are dressed up SO PRETTY. Fancy dresses everywhere. Miss D hasn't been to interested until she got this dress from a friend. It came in a bag of dresses... but this one was the poofiest. She danced and twirlled during worship today. We stood in the back cause I needed some extra room too... we took up a whole row. Both Mr. D and I need our own space during worship and I even pushed our row back a little ( folding chairs) cause I was feeling a little cramped. I am 6 months prego....! Worship was awesome today! Great songs... great music... Holy Spirit moving! A couple Awesome Words were shared.... one that gave me some new insight into what God gives and takes away.

Then a new song.

Arise! Arise! Arise! Arise! Arise!

Take your place

Be enthroned on our praise

One thing we ask of you

One thing that we desire

But as we worship you

Lord, come and change our lives

Arise! Arise! Arise! Arise! Arise!

Take your place

Be enthroned on our praise

Arise! King of Kings!

Holy God As we sing

Arise! Arise! Arise! Arise!

~

I could have sang this song for hours... I just kept building and building. Then we sang the ARISE part. WOW.

Pics from the Zoo today.

We had never taken Miss D to the Zoo yet. Yes she is past 3 but really how much would she enjoy it before now. She loved it today. I was surprised by someone coming in the apartment this morning. I has already gotten Miss D her stuff that she needed to watch a few cartoons while I crawled back in bed. Our place is really small so I can still hear her and she can come in and ask me something if needed. It was about 8am when she went out to catch some Little Einsteins... just like everyday. Then about 9am I hear her talking to someone... then I hear her say "Daddy". What..."Daddy"??? Ok.. totally caught in bed while our daughter is watching cartoons and I"m in bed. He walks back to our room and asks me if this is what I do everyday? Well not everyday.. but to be honest most days. Until at least 9am... I cooking a baby and need my sleep... right!

Well we decide that since it was a great day outside lets take Miss D to the Zoo. His lunch is already packed from his work day and so we dress and head out the door to the Zoo. We had a great time and so did Miss D. Her favorite part was the Rhinos. We shared an Elephant ear and then headed home about 2pm. She crashed in the car by the time we were on the freeway. I was about done from the walk back to the car. I was willing one foot in front of the other. My hip flexers were hurting. Once back to our apt we put Miss D down for the rest of her nap and then was down and then about an hour later Mr. D joined the napping. We all slept until about 5pm! Great day with the D's!

Oswald today

Reading for Wednesday 11th March 2009

VISION

I was not disobedient unto the heavenly vision.

If we lose the vision, we alone are responsible, and the way we lose the vision is by spiritual leakage. If we do not run our belief about God into practical issues, it is all up with the vision God has given. The only way to be obedient to the heavenly vision is to give our utmost for God's highest, and this can only be done by continually and resolutely recalling the vision. The test is the sixty seconds of every minute, and the sixty minutes of every hour, not our times of prayer and devotional meetings.

"Though it tarry, wait for it." We cannot attain to a vision, we must live in the inspiration of it until it accomplishes itself. We get so practical that we forget the vision. At the beginning we saw it but did not wait for it; we rushed off into practical work, and when the vision was fulfilled, we did not see it. Waiting for the vision that tarries is the test of our loyalty to God. It is at the peril of our soul's welfare that we get caught up in practical work and miss the fulfilment of the vision.

Watch God's cyclones. The only way God sows His saints is by His whirlwind. Are you going to prove an empty pod? It will depend on whether or not you are actually living in the light of what you have seen. Let God fling you out, and do not go until He does. If you select your own spot, you will prove an empty pod. If God sows you, you will bring forth fruit.

It is essential to practise the walk of the feet in the light of the vision.

Acts 26:19

I like to Move It.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a91pJDut50E

This link makes Miss D shake her groove thing. (me too!)

you have to copy and past the link.