Deep thoughts

A few deep thoughts by Jack Handey (SNL)

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.


I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.


Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that is like a regular window.


When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.


Consider the daffodil. And while you are doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.


I'd like to see a guy tap-dancing so fast his legs actually broke, because it would finally establish a "tap barrier," and we could move on from there.


The other day I got you my can opener and was opening a can of worms when I thought, "What am I doing?!"