Fear and Our Illusion of Control

Kathi Pelton: "Removing Roots of Fear"
By Kathi Pelton 
Mar 20, 2009

"Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident." Psalm 27:3

I am always amazed at God's dealings with me. I never cease to be surprised at how He can take me places that I would not go apart from His love and leading. God's recent dealings with me began with personal crisis. Like many of you, our family has been hit hard by the trouble in the economy. My husband's sales have dried up, my oldest son was laid off from his construction job last month and I lost my salary at the beginning of January. But, as "mature Christians" our posture was in faith and not fear...or, so I thought.

We handled the first months of our "crisis" as we watched God provide in ways that were unexpected and unique. But as the months have moved by and our bank account has dwindled to nothing (and no prospects for jobs appeared), I began to move into some fear-based actions even though my words continued to be those of faith. Of course, I did not do this overtly, but took a "composed" posture of fear. I began to ever-so-gently pressure my patient husband to get his resume' out to more and more companies. From there I began to drop subtle hints of things that he could do (and in my opinion should do) to get us out of this crisis.

Your Fear Is Not Subtle to God

Last Saturday morning, I woke up to my husband making us a nice breakfast. But rather than allowing myself to enjoy the blessing, I sat down at the table and began to question him about what he had accomplished during the week in regards to my rescue plan. But rather than give me a detailed accounting, my husband looked at me and said, "Maybe we shouldn't talk because we don't seem to be getting along very well right now."

I was shocked! How could he say such a thing? Wasn't I merely asking about a very real issue? I was merely trying to help my family make responsible decisions in the midst of crisis, right?

Right away the Lord began to speak to me about the motivations of my heart in trying to get my husband to do all the things I had suggested (actually, I wanted to demand, not suggest). The Lord asked me if my suggestions were from His leading or from fear. Well, of course they were from fear, or I wouldn't have needed to cloak them in hints. The Lord then said, "Your hints have not been subtle to your husband or to Me. We both know that you have moved into fear."

I had abandoned two values that my husband and I walk in. The first is that we will never initiate for God, but always wait for His initiation before we act. We wait not only for His wisdom but also His timing. The second value is to know each other by the spirit, not only by the flesh. Spirit to spirit is the way we want to connect with others. Due to the fear that had surfaced in my life, I began to initiate out of my knowledge and timetable rather than waiting for God's wisdom and timing.

I also forgot that my husband knows me "by the Spirit," therefore he could feel the fear and control coming from me even though my words sounded right. These subtle hints I was releasing were like the sounding of an alarm to both my husband and God. They screamed: "Do something just in case Jesus doesn't come through for us!"

Learning from My Writings

The irony in all of this is the title of my article last month called "Peace Be Still." I wrote all about peace and trust in the midst of life's storms. One thing that has been consistent in whatever subject I write or teach about is that I must also learn from them. Releasing it does not exempt me from the truth that needs to be lived out. I often find whenever I write, I am about to be tested on, so that it also becomes truth in my life.

As I realized there were still roots of fear deep in my heart, that dictated to me thoughts of abandonment during difficult times, I knew I needed to allow God to deal with them. As I asked the Lord what to do, His first instruction was to fast (abstain) from any actions that were fear-based. This was in all relationships: husband, children, friends and especially, Him. Having five teenagers who are all embarking on adulthood can really challenge this.

I could now see that even some of my "counsel" for my teens was more fear-based rather than faith-based, and I needed to begin to speak only God's counsel. I needed to turn my children over to the One who loves them even more than I do. I cannot always keep them from the hard lessons of life, but sometimes I need to take a posture of prayer that would back them up rather than try to lead them.

I have never viewed myself as a controlling person, but as the root of my actions have become clear to me, I now realize that fear almost always provokes controlling and manipulative actions. Though these may be "subtle" to others, they are not to God, nor are they to the enemy who is not fooled by our religious masks that try to cover them up.

Remember...Don't Light Your Own Torches!

"But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment." Isaiah 50:11

Ten years ago, I was going through another difficult time. During that time God was walking me through some deep inner-healing from issues in my childhood that were affecting my adult life. As some of the pain and wounds surfaced, I would attempt to find relief from the pain by trying to find my way through it on my own. Though I never made any headway in this effort, it did leave me with a bad case of insomnia that lasted for months.

During one of these sleepless nights, I was searching the Scriptures for some comfort, when I stumbled across the verse in Isaiah 50:11. I immediately realized this was what I had been doing. I was lighting my own torch and trying to find my way apart from His light. As a result, I had lain down each night in torment.

As I repented, things began to improve. Though they didn't change overnight, I began a process of allowing the light of the Lord to lead me through the darkness that I was facing. Now a decade later, though this is a very different circumstance, I am once again facing this truth. I cannot go back to walking in the light of my own torch, but I must wait for the Lord to lead our family through this dark time. Once again I find myself repenting for leaning on my own understanding.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

"Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the first fruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine. My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline and do not resent His rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those He loves, as a father the son He delights in." Proverbs 3:5-12

He is Forever Faithful

I have settled it: "I don't understand God's ways!" I have also decided that "God is forever faithful, even when I don't understand!" When He says that He carries me (and you), it is the truth.

"There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place." Deuteronomy 1:31

"He tends His flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11

He is our Father, He is tender, He is gentle, and He does not leave us without help. His children are being prepared to walk without roots of fear ruling in their hearts and lives. We must respond to His love—both the love that carries us and the love that corrects us. Join me in fasting from every action that is based in fear. Let us allow Him to pull up every root of fear that ushers us into controlling, manipulative and frantic behaviors. He truly is our peace and we must trust Him even when we don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Don't light your own torch even when all you see is darkness. It is not dark to Him.

"If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." Psalm 139:11-12

We're in this together!

Kathi Pelton
Light Streams Ministries
Email: jkpelton@sbcglobal.net 

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I read this today after I had made myself a cup of decaf coffee so that I could feel my baby move. That was a fear based action. I couldn't have identified that until I was real with myself after I read this. (I love how God daily is renewing my mind). With what happened to our 2nd child I daily have to give the movement of my baby back to God. I can't control if and when he moves... nor can I control the numbers of his days. God my strength and my ever present help is in control of that and I daily have to choose to trust HIM with the issue that I struggle with. After realizing today that I made the coffee and drank it knowing that it would make him move I struggled with what I had taken away from God.  I love to feel my son move because it reminds me that he is alive and I will never take those movements for granted. Where the problem and sin comes in is when I rely on my own strength in acting on the thought that I can control his movements. I love the Elijah List. I receive daily emails from this website and I can't tell you how many times the Words and Articles have ministered to me. They are always so timely. Thanks be to God for using the people and their Gifts through this website. 

Romans 12:2 (New King James Version)

<sup>2</sup> And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

3 year old Art and Memories.

I'm was a little late this year in getting our annual art project out and done. Miss D reminded me today that we should do it. So we got everything out on the table. It consists of 2 canvas 11x14 in size. I skimped this year and bought cheap ones.. which I would find out during the process that I couldn't wipe off the smudged foot print that wasn't up to my standards. Last year there must have been some kinda something on the canvas that made it very easy to wipe off unacceptable foot prints and do them again. Which last year it was much more difficult to tell my 2 year old how to hold her foot.. kinda relaxed so that her foot print didn't smudge. The hand prints last year had to wiped off SO many times... But this year we got the hands and one of the feet on the 1st try. Her left foot was a little smudged so I grabbed the wet washcloth and started wiping... much to my dismay it left a slight pink hue on the canvas where the 1st try was. So we tried the left foot again carefully placing the canvas to the foot... not letting her step on the canvas so that I could direct the pressure. Much better. She had a ball getting paint all on her hands and feet. Not something that she usually is in to doing. The next project was to let her complete a painting of her very own... no direction from me(which was so hard) and when she said that she was done.. I had to let her be done.. no "are you sure"? "maybe just a little more over here"? She did great. This is a great idea from a great friend who had done it with her son for years. It is so interesting to see the progression in the art year by year. We hung them in her "room" as seen above. They are really cute!  

Church Pretties Today

Miss D picked out this dress to wear to church today. We have a ton of little girls at church and it always seems that they are dressed up SO PRETTY. Fancy dresses everywhere. Miss D hasn't been to interested until she got this dress from a friend. It came in a bag of dresses... but this one was the poofiest. She danced and twirlled during worship today. We stood in the back cause I needed some extra room too... we took up a whole row. Both Mr. D and I need our own space during worship and I even pushed our row back a little ( folding chairs) cause I was feeling a little cramped. I am 6 months prego....! Worship was awesome today! Great songs... great music... Holy Spirit moving! A couple Awesome Words were shared.... one that gave me some new insight into what God gives and takes away.

Then a new song.

Arise! Arise! Arise! Arise! Arise!

Take your place

Be enthroned on our praise

One thing we ask of you

One thing that we desire

But as we worship you

Lord, come and change our lives

Arise! Arise! Arise! Arise! Arise!

Take your place

Be enthroned on our praise

Arise! King of Kings!

Holy God As we sing

Arise! Arise! Arise! Arise!

~

I could have sang this song for hours... I just kept building and building. Then we sang the ARISE part. WOW.

Pics from the Zoo today.

We had never taken Miss D to the Zoo yet. Yes she is past 3 but really how much would she enjoy it before now. She loved it today. I was surprised by someone coming in the apartment this morning. I has already gotten Miss D her stuff that she needed to watch a few cartoons while I crawled back in bed. Our place is really small so I can still hear her and she can come in and ask me something if needed. It was about 8am when she went out to catch some Little Einsteins... just like everyday. Then about 9am I hear her talking to someone... then I hear her say "Daddy". What..."Daddy"??? Ok.. totally caught in bed while our daughter is watching cartoons and I"m in bed. He walks back to our room and asks me if this is what I do everyday? Well not everyday.. but to be honest most days. Until at least 9am... I cooking a baby and need my sleep... right!

Well we decide that since it was a great day outside lets take Miss D to the Zoo. His lunch is already packed from his work day and so we dress and head out the door to the Zoo. We had a great time and so did Miss D. Her favorite part was the Rhinos. We shared an Elephant ear and then headed home about 2pm. She crashed in the car by the time we were on the freeway. I was about done from the walk back to the car. I was willing one foot in front of the other. My hip flexers were hurting. Once back to our apt we put Miss D down for the rest of her nap and then was down and then about an hour later Mr. D joined the napping. We all slept until about 5pm! Great day with the D's!

Oswald today

Reading for Wednesday 11th March 2009

VISION

I was not disobedient unto the heavenly vision.

If we lose the vision, we alone are responsible, and the way we lose the vision is by spiritual leakage. If we do not run our belief about God into practical issues, it is all up with the vision God has given. The only way to be obedient to the heavenly vision is to give our utmost for God's highest, and this can only be done by continually and resolutely recalling the vision. The test is the sixty seconds of every minute, and the sixty minutes of every hour, not our times of prayer and devotional meetings.

"Though it tarry, wait for it." We cannot attain to a vision, we must live in the inspiration of it until it accomplishes itself. We get so practical that we forget the vision. At the beginning we saw it but did not wait for it; we rushed off into practical work, and when the vision was fulfilled, we did not see it. Waiting for the vision that tarries is the test of our loyalty to God. It is at the peril of our soul's welfare that we get caught up in practical work and miss the fulfilment of the vision.

Watch God's cyclones. The only way God sows His saints is by His whirlwind. Are you going to prove an empty pod? It will depend on whether or not you are actually living in the light of what you have seen. Let God fling you out, and do not go until He does. If you select your own spot, you will prove an empty pod. If God sows you, you will bring forth fruit.

It is essential to practise the walk of the feet in the light of the vision.

Acts 26:19

I like to Move It.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a91pJDut50E

This link makes Miss D shake her groove thing. (me too!)

you have to copy and past the link.

Good Bye

Miss D loves The Sound of Music... here is a view of her performing "The Sun Has Gone....

Princess Curls

Over the weekend we went up to our old town for a birthday party. It was next door to our old house and it was weird to drive into their driveway and not our own. We were attending a princess 7year old birthday party. Miss D initially was in braids as you can see above... but as the party progressed and the craft crowns were completed the girls moved upstairs to get ready for the father/daughter ball that was held in our town. Miss D didn't go to the ball but most of the girls in this house were getting ready to go. Miss D was interested in getting her hair curled. Something that I haven't done to her yet. Now that is all she talks about. She had a  bath yesterday and wanted her hair curled after her hair was dry. My curling iron is a little to big so the curls were loose... I need to get a tighter curling iron so the curls are more pronounced. Anyways... her hair took the curls so well and stayed in for the rest of the day. It was a preview hairdo for a wedding that she will be in this summer as a flower girl. Pretty huh!

Blushing Buttercream Pettiskirt GIVEAWAY!!!!

Blushing Buttercream Pettiskirt GIVEAWAY!!!!

How stinking cute are these!!!

You Outta Know

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. Then write that song title as the answer to the question, no matter how awkward it sounds. Most of the time they seem to work though, strangely enough. (Don't cheat, stay true to the exact shuffle...I'll know if you cheated)


1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OK?" YOU SAY?
Dancing Nancies (Dave Matthews Band)

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
You Got To Me (Neil Diamond)

3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Beautiful (Creed)

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Always Be My Baby (Mariah Carey)

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
I Know Everything About You (The Kry)

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Give It Up (Avalon)

7) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Never Say Die (Dixie Chicks)

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Time Well Wasted (Brad Paisley)

9) WHAT IS 2+2?
Forever (Third Day)

10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
All Love Can Be (Charlotte Church)

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Sweeter Than The Flowers (BlueGrass Hymns)

12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
My Town (Montgomery Gentry)

13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Gotta Love It (Annointed)

14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Ice Cream (Sarah McLachlan)

15) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Inamaorata (Sweetheart) (Dean Martin)

16) WHAT SONG WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR WEDDING?
Venus (Frankie Avalon)

17) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Glorify Thy Name (The Maranatha! Singers)

18) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Cattle Call (LeAnn Rimes)

19) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Another Sad Love Song (Toni Braxton)

20) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Rock My World (Little Country Girl) (Brooks & Dunn)

21) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
You Outta Know (Alanis Morrisette)

If you read this consider yourself tagged....

20 weeks

20 weeks and a few days..... off to the doctor for another ultrasound. Miss D can't wait to see "'baby brother on the tv"....

Tagged....

So I was tagged by Steph....

Go to your pictures folder, open the 4th folder and post the 4th picture.

Mine just happened to be a video clip. This is Miss D. as you can see singing Jesus Loves Me ... very fast and very loud. It was taken on 5-28-08... So Miss D is just about 2 1/2 years old. This is also just about when I stopped cutting her bangs. We are still trying to grow them out and they are about at her chin now. 

Now who do I blogstalk... just about everyone on my google reader list. I have subscribed to automatic updates from new posts... I think that most of the list in on my blog. Now that I have high-speed I will be commenting more often. Before with dial-up most of the time I couldn't comment because the page would bog down and get screwed up. 

Hmmm.... I tag Alyssa, Shannon and Becky.

Not so outside the city limits anymore...

Hmmm.... so the whole idea behind my blog to begin with was to talk about me and my families adventures as we enjoyed life outside the city limits. Hmmmm..... I can't say that anymore. But now that I think about it I wonder if we are still outside the city limits? Just in another city. We sold our house that was outside the city limits and are moving on to a different adventure. We moved into an apartment over the top of a two car garage of our in-laws shop. It is about 45o square feet. We put all our stuff in storage and moved here. It is completely furnished and really cute. Miss D has her bed in one of the dormers and we put a curtain up to make it a little darker as we stay up after she has gone to bed. She has done well with the adjustment. We don't have a dishwasher... and right now the sink is full of dishes that I need to wash. We took a trip to Ikea to get some storage furniture for our clothes. For the 1st 4 days that we were here our clothes were in garbage bags at the end of our bed and it was making Mr. D crazy. We got some great cubbies for our folded clothes that work great. Plus they will be great furniture additions wherever we end up. We didn't even have to bring our bed... plus this one is much more comfortable. We were needing a new mattress and hadn't got around to buying one yet. I have my 20 week ultrasound later today and another thing that I'm enjoying is being close to town.  Close to BSF too. Hmmm.... what else. Mr. D starts a new job on Monday. It will last 2 months but maybe will turn into more. We are enjoying this transition time in our life pondering about our future. The whole time our house was for sale we knew that was our next step. Sell the house. Don't look at the top of the staircase and see all the steps to the top.... just focus on the next step. Well God sold our house in His timing. What a whirlwind it was too! So now we pray and wait for God to reveal the next step. Where and when it might be we can only speculate. We need to remember to keep our expectations in check. We learned that lesson as we were waiting for our house to sell. Expectations and plans for our lives put God in a box and when He doesn't perform according to the way we expected Him to we set ourselves up for disappointment. But as we see our life play out in rewind over the last month... His timing is perfect. A perfect buyer and Mr. D without a job so that we could help me pack our house in 2 weeks (with help of course). There are so many details that we are still realizing about His timing and we rest in the perfection of it. I know that our next step in life will also be God directed as we continue to seek Him before every decision that we make. Thank you God for being with us every ONE step at a time. 

I've wanted to share for so long!

This is when Miss D was 2 months old and I've wanted to share this.... but with dial-up I was unable. Isn't this just the best~!

Just a few tribute pics...

So Long, Farewell

Well friends... this is the last blog post that will come from my office as I sit here and gaze out at the frost covered grass and Erin's car in the turnaround. We still have snow here and there. The sunrise was amazing this morning. It was just the same as any other day... except the last one that we will enjoy from inside our house.  I'm at a loss for words as I sit here and ponder the last 5 years. We have welcomed 2 children and have another that will never see this place. I'm leaving part of my heart here but I know that it will be safe because it isn't in this house it is next door. Tears are right at the brim today. Mr. D just left to go get the moving truck. Bye House. I'll miss you. 

Shot out and Memories

So this packing thing really isn't all that bad. We have had such an easy transition with the great people that we have been working with during this whole process. I have to give a shot out to our Realtor Patric Ginn with Keller Williams because he has really gone to bat for us as we have tried to keep up with this declining market and as we try and get as many pennies as we can from the sale of our house. I'm really going to miss this place. But I'm really excited for our adventures that we have coming up in this next phase of our life. We will miss so many things and PEOPLE about this place that we have lived and I have to say especially our best friends that live next door. There is really no denying the time and place in this life that God ordains that we all live. We have been blessed beyond words by our beloved neighbors. I will miss them and their beautiful family. I have learned so much and my life will be exponentially greater by knowing these wonderful people. I know that their future holds many travels and missions. So that is bittersweet knowing that our time together on this hill was always limited. But the 5 years that we have known them is forever cherished in our hearts. These are the best words that I can say now as my house is torn apart and our days living here are numbered. But God is SO Good and I can't praise Him enough for blessing us with the relationship that we have with them. I can't wait until Heaven when we will have eternity together. Tears and happy memories. 

SOLD!

Well it has been a long year of learning and soul-searching... and so much more but that will have to be for another post when I have more time. We are going to packing our house up because we sold it! We met the buyer yesterday and she is wonderful. I couldn't imagine selling my house to a more wonderful women. She told me that in our den will be her baby grand piano and she can't wait to sit and play it and worship GOD! She is paying cash so we have a fast closing (another prayer answered... the list is very long) God is excruciatingly on time... but oh so perfect in His every way. We have to be out on Feb. 17th! I spent yesterday filling up our garbage can with junk that I don't want packed. We have so many boxes (prayer answered) because we saved some from a families previous move and we even gave some of them away to our pastor for their move and God has blessed us with even more. So all that to say I will miss this beautiful house. Right now I"m looking out my office window to a mountain and the sun and the glorious valley. But it is all God's country and I know someday that this sacrifice is a pleasing aroma to Him and He will honor and bless us again with the desire of our heart. Those desires have changed and that is why is it time to move on... by the way... we won't be leaving the state until the baby boy is born!

hmmm....this could be it!

Ok... here we go...

we are expecting a cash (that's right I said cash) offer this morning. All three people that looked yesterday were very interested. One woman brought her daughter back about 1 hour after she looked. She is the one that we are hoping for an offer from today. We also have to additional showing this morning one at 10 and one at 11. Different people than yesterday. We have been fogged in so when people look they can't see the amazing view. But that hasn't seemed to deter the interest. We are above the fog today and it is to pretty to look out and see that the valley below us is dreary and fogged in but this morning we are above the fog (for now) and the sun is shining! 

Agree with us in PRAYER that we will be able to make a deal with the woman who has cash because she would want to move in asap. Cash offer.... really does it get better than that?!? We are figuring that she will low-ball us since she has cash... but we are hoping that we will be able to get as much as we can for this house! We did just lower our asking price $60,000 at the 1st of the year.

Thanks friends for sticking with us in this adventure. We are excited at the realization that we may be moving ...(staying local until baby comes though!)

Update soon!

house showings a plenty!

Cool news.. we have 3 house showings tomorrow! Exciting huh! 3 in one day.. that is a record!

Also... baby is zinging around like a superstar tonight... almost felt like he had the hick ups. We have some friends that are moving and so after BSF today I napped for a little while with Miss D and then slunked out of bed to go down and prepare a meal for all the moving helpers. After grocery shopping early this month I was still able to prepare a coconut pie with whip cream, a yummy veggie salad and the entree was my famous cornbread-salsa meat casserole... I'm sure I could think of a better name .... but that is what you get tonight. There were 10 people that were going to be eating and so I tripled the recipe. All turned out yummy and we even made it there on time. The pie wasn't my favorite.. but right now I'm a little turned off by eggs. 
PRAY for a buyer!

PRAY for a full price offer! (we could use the money since Mr. D is out of a job!!)

PRAY MR. D finds a job!

GOTTA GO watch LOST!......................

LITTLE MR. D

We are having A BOY!

I have a ton of great ultrasound pics.. but we don't have a way to scan then onto the computer. I will have to wait until I get somewhere so I can scan them. I don't think that I will scan the 3-D picture that we have of him and all his glory though..... I will save him the embarrassment. But we are 110% sure that he is boy! Miss D is SO excited! Boy names.... hmmmmm I haven't even gone there. He is so healthy and active! Thank you GOD for this special gift. I can't wait to hold him when he is born! 

FULL OF LIFE AND GLORIOUS!

O where O where have the D's gone.

Mr. D comes home today after being back in TX for last week. Miss D is excited to head to the airport again to pick him up. She is most excited because last time we went to the airport we got a Jamba Juice and she thought that was pretty cool. But then she realized the real reason we were there when she saw Mr. D walking up to her! Should be cute again today to see her run to him. He has a long flight today and a few connections so pray for patience and endurance. We have been good. I'm starting to have a baby bump and I think that I"m starting to feel a few movements here and there. We stayed home this week while Mr. D was gone. It has been nice to be home. We haven't been home much over the last couple months with Mr. D being gone and the weather being so bad. I have been enjoying the sunrises.... since we live above the fog. I can see the mountains and watch the sunrise for the last few days. It's so pretty. Today there was a little cloud cover just at the base of the mountains... but yesterday it was so clear. We spent a little time outside a few days ago. It was sunny and cold. We took a walk and gathered rocks that looked like mountains. Then after our walk we sat on the front porch and made a mountain range.  Miss D has been great... she is excited about her birthday coming up in a couple weeks. I can plan a party now that Mr. D is coming home. He was suppose to be gone 2 weeks this time... but it turned out to only be one week. 

We haven't had much action on the house the last week. We lowered our price at the 1st of the year.. We had a ton of showings the first 10 days of the year... but they have tapered off. Having a house for sale really wears on me. Having to keep it clean and ready to show every time I leave the house is hard. After almost a year I'm getting tired of it. I do have to say that it has really helps to create good habits. Knowing that the house is always clean is something that I"m growing to really appreciate. 

Miss D is hungry... I hear her calling to me downstairs saying that she is ready for cereal. She has been really into Rice Kristies... as she calls them. But she is going to be sad when I go down and show her that she ate them all gone yesterday. Not sure how happy she will be with frosted mini wheats. Costco didn't have Life Cereal which me and Miss D love. Which reminds me....don't buy Kiwi at Costco if they are the residential from California kind. They have to be from New Zealand to be good. I made this mistake a few days ago when I bought Kiwi at Costco and when I opened them they were all mushy and GROSS! I cut a few open and tried to pass them on to Miss D to try and she agreed with me... YUCK! So I have to take them back today! Along with an IKEA run on the way to the airport OF COURSE!

"STILL"

Dennis Cramer:

The Word of the Lord for 2009:

"STILL"

Greetings! Yearly predictions can be a very touchy subject. Yet the Lord has given me a "word" for you to consider. personally believe it's a pretty accurate word.

The word of the Lord for 2009 is "STILL."

That's all - just the word "STILL." However, as you will read, it's a very, very powerful word. It is a "now" word that will empower you throughout 2009 and beyond!

I personally guarantee each and every one of these "predictions" for 2009!

I predict that:
1. The Bible will STILL be the eternal Word of God - forever settled in Heaven!

2. Prayer will STILL always work!

3. The Father will STILL be sitting confidently on His indomitable throne!

4. Jesus will STILL be the Way, the Truth, and the Life -

the only means by which you may access the Father!

5. The Holy Spirit will STILL be our Comforter - comforting you from the inside, out!

6. The Church will STILL be "the pillar and ground of the truth" manifesting the wisdom of God! 7. Healing (for spirit, soul, and body) will STILL be in His wings!

8. The Gospel will STILL be the answer - whatever the question!

9. His grace will STILL be all-sufficient and our strength, whatever the task!

10. The gifts of the Spirit will STILL change lives -

instantly, radically, and permanently!

11. You will STILL be God's most prized possession - His cherished son or daughter!

12. Heaven will STILL be wonderful, hell will STILL be horrible!

13. "By faith" will STILL be the only way for you to live.

14. You will STILL be "more than a conqueror in Christ" - victory is imminent!

15. Sowing will STILL result in reaping! So keep sowing!

16. God will STILL "always cause you to triumph in Christ!"

17. The love of God will STILL be in your heart - and nothing can separate you from it!

18. "All things will STILL work together for your good" - as you do His will!

19. You will STILL "be the head and not the tail" -

blessed when you go out, blessed when you come in!

20. The devil will still, still, STILL, be a big-time loser! Amen!

Happy New Year!

Dennis Cramer

Dennis Cramer Ministries Email: denniscramer1@comcast.net

http://www.elijahlist.com/

D baby at 12 1/2 Weeks!

Baby was moving all around and being so cute at our ultrasound. Baby was waving at Miss D and so active. Everything looks good and I just love hearing the heartbeat! They were willing to give me an early guess at the sex of the baby but we declined.... right now we are going with not finding out. But that may change.

Another 4 inches makes about 2 feet!

The snow it so beautiful. We find ourselves just gazing out the windows at it. This is one of the biggest icecycles we have. We are enjoying being snowed and spending time with each other.!!

Buried in with DADDY!

Mr. D got home on Friday night. He was delayed a little bit during one of his stops... but we didn't have to wait to long at the airport. Miss D was so EXCITED to see him. Once she caught sight she ran down the way yelling "DADDY"! He bent down to hug her and tears were streaming for me and him. It was so sweet to see how tight she held him. We stayed at his parents that night all in one bed and Miss D kept at least a hand on him all night. She has been keeping very close tabs on daddy since we have been home. He gave her a bath tonight and I can really tell that she is needing his attention. They have been hugging and kissing and it is so cute. She wants him to play with her and she is kinda showing off all the new things that she can do since he has been gone. Like say her "L"'s and her "TH's"! They are playing dollhouse right now in her room... to cute. Her daddy is home and she couldn't be happier.

We are completly snowed in also! We put chains on the car so that we could make it home on Saturday. But since then we have gotten so much more snow. It is so beautiful. I'm really starting to feel better.. I can tell because I have sat doing this post and haven't felt yucky at all! Good for you all right... more D updates! We have our next ultrasound on the 26th.... that will be the end of my 12th week. Time is really flying!

Random Pictures Selection

I'm not home and so therefore I have the luxury of fast internet... and with that comes some fast uploading of pictures... so enjoy some of the pics that I would have loved to share but didn't have all day to load!

Brrrrrrrr.

So Mr. D is out of town.... So our pipes don't freeze we needed to come up with a cheap way of insulating the foundation and the ppies below the house. He suggested magazine papers crumbled up in a bag... but that was way to much work. I decided a bath towel in a bag should do the trick. I needed to do a ton of these so as I was filling I saw that it was a good thing that I'm a freak about saving these type of bags. I cleaned myself out today. Now out house is protected from the freezing weather.

Brrrr. It is cold outside. I braved it and got some great pictures of the beauty.

A little something...

I got a haircut yesterday... surprise! It is short and I love it. I sent a pic over the phone to Mr. D and he likes it too!

Update on The D's

Ok... I know I know that I'm lacking in the posting area of my life. But to be honest my keyboard at home is being picky and not obeying me when I type a letter... it is skipping and then I have to go back and fix it (annoying!)....then another reason is that sitting in front of the monitor contributes to my nausea. Which by the way peaked on Tuesday when I spent the morning and afternoon hugging the toilet. I never threw up with Miss D or Baby Hazel... but Tuesday I was in bad shape. I had a glass of milk at about 5am to fill the void that was starting to make me feel yucky and then went back to bed... well it just didn't sit right. I stayed in bed as my tummy was churning until Miss D woke up about 7am. I headed for a potty break and I couldn't get turned around fast enough to puke...Miss D was so precious... saying..........
"Get those throw up's out mommy"
"Good Job Mommy"
"Do you want my niney to make you feel better?"
" You will be OK mommy"
Too sweet... I stumbled downstairs to get a gargle of water and then maybe a small drink of something... I managed to drink a sip of water. About 1 hour later I had round 2. This time I closed my eyes and Miss D was so into her cartoon that she didn't even notice that I was missing. No pep talk from my daughter this time.. I was on my own. I flushed the toilet and made it back out to the couch where I stayed ALL day. Miss D had a nap at 1pm and I layed down... but had to sleep sitting up because my stomach was in my throat. That really doesn't make for very restful sleep. We gathered our things later in the day to make the trek down to my in-laws to stay. It took me hours to pack for a few days away from home and now a few days later I really did a horrible job packing. We have been at my in-laws staying and I have been feeling MUCH better. I'm hoping that was the end of my nausea and it culminated with a bang... or barf. Anyhow... I have been hitting the sack early because I really have been tired. Mr D really isn't missing much around here. Although we are REALLY MISSING HIM. We both purchased a web cam and are able to "skype" back and forth at my in-laws house where they have highspeed internet. We did on Thanksgiving... which was SO sad as he was with a friend from home who is now on the job with him (HUGE BLESSING) and they were having brawts on the bbq for Turkey day. I felt terrible as I was indulging in a beautiful dinner and pie as he was alone in TX having to fend for himself. He has had some major challenges down there... but as of today 2 people have been fired (Mr. D is very happy about that) and the 4 that are left have good attitudes and are very hard workers. They are now hoping to get 7 more guys down there to help them finish the job before the day they are to return home which is Dec 19th. If they are unable to finish the job by then they will be returning after the 1st of the year. So
Please pray that they get suitable help and are able to make up much lost time.
Please pray for safety on the job site and for a problem free work environment.
Please pray for endurance and clarity for the workers because the are working 6 days a week putting in 60 hours.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. D passed his written State patrol test! So we are hoping that they will be able to give him and oral interview during the time that he is home... If I can gather all the paper work and transcripts.
Hmmmm what else can I update...
I had my 1st baby appt. Baby is measuring right on target with what I thought... 8 weeks and now a few days. It was so cool to see a beating heart and Miss D was so intrigued by the tv that showed what the tech was doing. She waved to baby... it was so sweet. My due date is 7-7-09...
and a friend just announced her pregnancy... exciting... another round of babies to be born. Hopefully I won't be so long in posting because I have made it this far in a post without feeling totally yucked out by the monitor!
Late Turkey Blessings and thanks for sticking with me.. even though I have neglected you!

Me... not much but shuteye.

I know that my blog has been seriously lacking. But I really don't find time lately to blog. I really don't have much to talk about. All I do is sleep (when miss d is napping which sometimes can be the chunk of the afternoon). I did clean my house yesterday which was a miracle.... then what happens...someone wants to show the house. So this morning I had to scoop me and miss d out the door early so our house could be shown. That was a hard enough thing to do since my place in the mornings has been on the couch while miss d watches her fav cartoons and my breakfast settles in my not so happy tummy. Ugggh... I'm really not any fun to be around. On that note... Mr. D headed out this morning bright and early to a job..YES that is right I said a job! It just happens to be in Texas and that it is for a month. But God does provide and when He does it is always so over the top. The pay is whopping and we are so thankful for the path God provides. So Mr. D will be home in a month.. and leading back to what I was saying before, I'm really a gem right now.. not doing my hair and barely ever wearing makeup ( I have to be ready to hit my pillow at any given moment). So Mr. D won't be missing much around the home front. I'm hoping by the time he gets home I will be more of a peach instead of a peach pit. I have my first doctor appt on Monday.. I'm hoping for an ultrasound. I can't wait to see a beating heart!!

Thank you

Thank you to all who will be praying for me and my 3rd child as we embark on this adventure together. I know that this baby will be SO covered with prayer. Thank you for standing with me in this time when I know that I will need prayer. I will need to be covered so that I don't stray toward the uncertainty that I know the devil will try and taunt me with. I will chose joy and I know that God is my strength and I can do all things through HIM.
Pray for a doctor that is sensitive to my needs and who will understand what I have been through. I'm in the process of finding a new doctor right now. I would like to find a fellow believer.
I'm feeling tired and nausea... but I welcome these feelings because they are the signs of a healthy pregnancy. I can't wait until my 1st ultrasound when I get to see a beating heart!
We are so excited and know that the time will fly. Miss D is saying that she wants a sister.. but Mr. D and I are thinking boy. We haven't decided if we are going to find out this time yet... still thinking on that one.
Thank you for all the comments and the encouragement! Much love Friends!

Missing her Sam and Syl

"Talking" on the phone to her friends who have been out of town for almost 2 weeks...

The phone is the play phone from her kitchen.... like how she is sitting in her grocery cart!

She was telling her friends that she would "call them on the other line".

Hee Hee Heee

I'm late
I'm late
For a very bloated crampy date
Auntie Flow didn't come
So a test I took
I'm late
I'm late
I'm late


It was postive and I'm due July 7th!!!
(baby Hazel was due July 5th... two years ago)


We are very excited!

Adventure Called Life

Something kinda cool... since work has been slow for Mr. D we have had time to explore new career options. Our house hasn't sold yet.. so in order to make the bills a job is needed. Mr. D filled out the paper work for State Police. I sent in his application today. We are excited about this new road of life. We really are living day to day knowing that God continues to guide us. We have no idea what the future holds for us. We may be here, there or anywhere. We are along for the ride and as soon as God says go we will be ready. Currently our house hasn't sold and we are enjoying everyday that we live in this beautiful place. All of this has really changed our perspective and has taught us to be storing up our treasures in Heaven and not here on Earth. We enjoy our friends and family with a new appreciation. As it should be... living everyday like it could be the last.

CRC weekend

This is a cute pic from Miss D's friends 1st Birthday party. We had fun! Isn't it a cute pic.

We have been busy lately. Mr. D has been searching for work and doing just about whatever he can get his little paws on. Gotta pay this bills! He is working at my parents house today cleaning up the outside and getting it ready in case they sell and have to pass inspection. He is getting his resume ready to start hitting the pavement in search for a new job. Construction industry is painfully slow. He does have work next week.. but really have been on a day to day basis! God is providing and we are in awe of how God cares for His kids.

We went away this last weekend to a retreat center with our community group. We had 10 couples. It was amazing. My head is still a little fuzzy from all the amazing stuff that happened and it is still running through my head being processed.

Light the fire in my soul

Fan the flame and make me whole

Lord you know just where I've been

So light the fire in my heart again.

Create in my a clean heart, O God

And renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from thy presence O God

Take not thy Holy Spirit from me.

Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation

And renew a right spirit with in me.

We hit the outlets on the way down and did a little shopping. I got 40 bucks from some work that I did so I was able to buy a couple of cute shirts and a really cute pair of boots for super cheap!

I gotta load the pics from the weekend. The place we went was really beautiful. Fall leaves, great food and great friends. So many tears, the ugly cry and bonds were strenthened! Which is going to be awesome to have those memories in the upcoming years.

Getting the Word out.

This is a must read and the second to last paragraph about ripped my heart out. If you are a person riding on the fence or maybe you already decided... about who to vote for and care at all about unborn children and the laws to protect them ( or possible lack thereof). Please read this. It is very disturbing and enlightening.
Robert George Article

God,
Right now we are at the mercy of a possible 4-8 years under a man who's voting record points to things that I have a hard time very unsettling. I ask Lord that you send believers into this man's life who tell him about Jesus and that he has a radical encounter with you God. Lord... only you can do this and I ask that either man elected is saved and gets this country on track with God's Word. Life begins at conception and you say so in your Holy Word. Save this man because I know God that you love him SO much.. He is one of your children just as I am. Please God soften his heart so that he can be receptive to your calling and drawing him to you God. I rest in knowing that you God are in control and that you won't let your people perish. Not one of us. You created us in Your image and I am in awe of You. Thank you for sending your Son Jesus to save us from our sins. I pray that all come to know you and call you Lord. I long for the day I can see ALL rejoice in Your Holy Name. Be with both of our presidential candidates and their families as well as their running mates. Make their paths full of believers that they have no other way to go...but straight to YOU God!

Join me in this prayer for our leaders friends... our country desperately needs God.

Great Oswald Today

October 16th.
THE KEY TO THE MASTER'S ORDERS
"Pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that He will send forth labourers into His harvest." Matthew 9:38
The key to the missionary problem is in the hand of God, and that key is prayer not work, that is, not work as the word is popularly understood to-day because that may mean the evasion of concentration on God. The key to the missionary problem is not the key of common sense, nor the medical key, nor the key of civilization or education or even evangelization. The key is prayer. "Pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest." Naturally, prayer is not practical, it is absurd; we have to realize that prayer is stupid from the ordinary common-sense point of view.
There are no nations in Jesus Christ's outlook, but the world. How many of us pray with out respect of persons, and with respect to only one Person, Jesus Christ? He owns the harvest that is produced by distress and conviction of sin, and this is the harvest we have to pray that labourers may be thrust out to reap. We are taken up with active work while people all round are ripe to harvest, and we do not reap one of them, but waste our Lord's time in over-energized activities. Suppose the crisis comes in your father's life, in your brother's life, are you there as a labourer to reap the harvest for Jesus Christ? "Oh, but I have a special work to do!" No Christian has a special work to do. A Christian is called to be Jesus Christ's own, one who is not above his Master, one who does not dictate to Jesus Christ what he intends to do. Our Lord calls to no special work: He calls to Himself. "Pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest," and He will engineer circumstances and thrust you out.

Our house is for sale Lord.. where will you have us go?

October 15th

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

I know of many friends that have a chance to join in this day to remember our babies that only were with us for to short of time.

If you would like to leave a comment and share about your child (ren) I would like to give you a place to share and remember.

I will start...

Today I remember my baby Hazel Hope who was born on May 30th, 2007. She was 35 weeks old but only was able to enjoy the sound of my voice and never see my face. I enjoyed feeling her movement and dreaming of her little life outside my womb. I didn't think that life would be so wonderful for her. It is a life that I could have never given her here on Earth. A life without sorrow, pain or anger. A life that is shared with our Lord in Heaven. How awesome is that. ? I have to be honest and say those weren't my thoughts on the day that she was born.. or even shortly after that. But it wasn't to many days later when God revealed Romans 8:28 to me.

28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

What Satan intended as harm.. God would use to bring glory to His Kingdom. And me and my hubby are walking testimonies of that truth. I will be in prayer today for all of you out there who have lost children from this Earth.. but know for sure that you will one day be reunited with them if you have a relationship with the One True God and like the Bible says in

John 14:6 Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

and God has also said for those who mourn these beautiful promises...

Isaiah 61:3

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes, the oil of gladness

instead of mourning, and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the LORD

for the display of his splendor.

Seattle Aquarium

We took a trip to an aquarium today.... her first trip to any sort of place that has animals or fish. I know I haven't taken my daughter to the Zoo.. judge me if you want. I will one of these days. So while visiting family we had an outing today. I'm enjoying all of the amenities. Wireless laptop on my lap with lightning speed internet access. My daughter sleeping upstairs after a bubble bath and I'm enjoying a nice glass of wine. I downloaded all the lectures that I've been saving in my email so that I could burn them to a cd. Good time huh. I'm also going to post pictures too...wow that was fast. Mr. D is hunting for Bambi with his brother. Miss D is also enjoying their dogs. We have been tossing around the idea of getting a doggy... if we do Miss D is going to name "Gracher"... not sure where that came from.... maybe "Gracker.." not sure of the spelling. But if you ask her what she will name her doggy she will say that name. I don't know if I have shared the fun little detail that Miss D and I are learning Chinese. We can count to 10 and we know our colors and how to say milk, water and juice. We also know sun, moon, rain and spider. Also how to say "what is your name" and "my name is". We are having fun with it. I have been tossing the idea around of Homeschooling and so instead of being intimidated of it I thought we would just learn together. I don't know Chinese and neither does she. We can learn together right. Kids have such an amazing ability to learn... they are just like sponges. It's so fun to see her learn. I'm off to surf the internet at lightning speed.

Come in for your checkup Miss Mommy

Miss D and I have been doing some serious playing lately... she is into playing doctor and checkup. Thanks to my neighbors daughter for teaching her how to play... and when I say thanks I need you to layer it with a sarcastic tone.... because I can't even count how many check up's that I've had over the last few weeks. A waiting room is involved and a ringing bell to let me know that it is my turn to come in to see the doctor. Then the bag of tools (which are silverware from her kitchen) are deployed and the check up is in full swing. Mr. D gave her some great ideas on how to use her "tools". The ladle is for checking knee caps and elbows. The triangle pie utensil is for checking behind the ears (it is silver and you can really use it to look behind the ears..!), the forks are for tapping teeth and the knifes are for taking blood....and the spatula is for listening to my heart. When I walk into her room for my check up she asks me "what seems to be the problem?". It really is cute.. I just had share. Next I will share about getting haircuts.. which are another one of her favorites to play.

Today in pictures

Gotta start the morning out right. I get the second half of this french press of coffee... Mr. D takes a to go mug on his way to work. It is perfect because there is just enough for a cup of coffee for me. And did you see what I got at Walmart!!! Chocolate Mint Truffle.. um....yummy!

Miss D was upset that I wouldn't let her have 3 bowls of Marshmellow Maties...I cut her off at 2 bowl. Which is ok with me... but 3 bowls come'on girl. That is just to much!

Next I made 10 of these cute little wreaths for an open house event here in town. I also made some really cute 9" globes covered in carns that they are floating in a huge vases up at the alter... they have a wedding business and are trying to get bookings. Times are hard! I pray that they have a great turn out and maybe out of the deal I will get some wedding orders.!.

Then after Miss D was down for her nap I headed out to the garden to see if there was anything left. I had a huge harvest! My yellow and black tomatoes had finally ripened and I had a dinosaur sized zuck out there... note that those are 6" tiles on the back splash... Miss D is still sleeping (going on 3.5 hours) and I've had time to clean out a few cabinets and drawers in my kitchen, sweep and mop the floor.. put away some laundry... visit the neighbors. Whewwww...

Then I got treated to an early arrival home of Mr. D. who right now is sleeping on the couch while getting ready to watch "Trackside Live". Talladega is on this weekend people! Tune in Sunday.

My friend that I have missed... A Tribute.

Rain

The rain is here

I have to say

I've missed you so

I hope you stay.

You smell so good

You sound so nice

You say fall is here, so

burn some spice.

Rain, Rain and more Rain

Other may say...go away!

I welcome you in all your wetness

Raincoats and all we still will play.

I love your clouds

I love your drops

Some are grey and

Some go plop.

A day of gazing at you

while snuggled in and toasty warm.

Gathered around some candles

I'm longing for a really good storm.

You water the Earth

You settle the dust

With Rain and Mist and Big Grey Clouds

You are just a MUST!

Rain