The doorbell rang and there were two sweet little boys at my door. They were bringing us a card "for our baby who died." They are 2 of 5 boys of a family who live in our neighborhood. I haven't seen any of their family since we have been home from the hospital. Their mother and I were both pregnant. Actually their were 3 mothers in our neighborhood that were pregnant. One due June 2nd, I was due July 3rd and the other was due early August. I lost Hazel 5 weeks before her due date and another baby was lost to early miscarriage. The mother that was due on June 2nd was induced and had her baby girl Emma on May 30th. The same day that I had Hazel. Hmmmm, not to sure how I feel about that. To be totally honest I feel Jealousy. I know that someday seeing Emma running around the neighborhood will be a nice and sweet reminder of Hazel and that they would be the same age. But right now... not so much. Maybe I'm being petty and childish in feeling this way... but hey this is how I'm feeling. That mother is doing all the things that I would be doing right now. Sleepless nights, nursing, suggling a newborn. She gets to enjoy those things and I'm left empty handed. I feel like I'm sounding boo hoo for me. But I guess I'm having a boo hoo for me kinda day.
Psalm 20
The Assurance of God's Saving Work
May the Lord answer you in the day of trouble;
May the name of the God of Jacob defend you;
May He send you help from the sanctuary,
And stengthen you out of Zion;
May He remember all your offerings,
And accept your burnt sacrifice.
Selah
May He grant you according to your heart's desire,
And fulfill all you purpose.
We will rejoice in your salvation,
And in the name of our God we will set up our banners!
May the Lord fulfill all your petitions.
Now I know that the Lord saves His anointed;
He will answer him from His holy heaven with the saving strength of His right hand.
Some trust in chariots, and some in horses;
But we will remember the name of the Lord our God.
They have bowed down and fallen;
But we have risen and stand upright.
Save, Lord!
May the King answer us when we call.
*************************************************************************
(Thank you lord for answering me when I call.)
3 comments:
Hey sweetie, sorry you're having a boo hoo day but you are entitled to that from time to time.. :) I'm praying for you...actually, if you want you could pray for me too! I'm having a bit of a boo hoo day myself. Not feeling so hot after my appointment today and it's thrown my whole attitude and motivation off for the weekend. Just want to crawl in bed and sleep in a ball but there is sooo much to do before Sunday at 6am when we leave. Anyhow, I missed you today but I just couldn't make it...you know my heart was with you though...
Someday you'll enjoy hearing and seeing all Emma is doing to keep in 'touch' with what Hazel would have also been doing...right now though, man, that's tough to have swallow...I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Loves, Kel
Michele, there is nothing wrong with the way your feeling. It was so hard for me when i had my miscarrage, and i had friends pregnet at teh same time, one who was having twins. It was hard not to be kind of upset at them even though they didnt know. You are hurting and that is ok. You need to morn. And you are human, growing that baby inside is such a blessing and you love the child. yOu were very close to Hazel, she is near you and I am sure she is so proud of you. I have been thinking of you. Love marie
Michele,
I fully agree that you are entitled to as many boo hoo days as you need. I have been in awe of the strength you have shown during this time and can only hope that if ever faced with a difficult time I can handle it with have the grace you have. Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. Love, Nikole
Post a Comment