Life Changing Lessons

Bible Study Fellowship
God is in the smallest details. A friend told me about BSF. I decided to look into the it. I was at a point in my life where I was thinking that maybe it was a fit for me. It runs during the school year and is a faith based work (free). I decided to go to the opening meeting. I'm a fairly shy person and I don't seek out large groups of people where I don't know anyone. I had my friend with me and we were there together(comfort in numbers right?). When you are joining for the first time to BSF you get put on a waiting list. As they are forming the groups they need to make sure there are enough leaders to compensate all the new people wanting to join. I was placed in a group the first week and was able to start the study of the book of Romans. That study changed my life. God was teaching me and preparing me for the biggest trial of my life. It was to come 2 weeks after I finished the 32 week study. I became pregnant a few weeks into BSF. As the study went along I grew with each week. The ladies in my group were in anticipation for the baby to come and were excited to come and see me after the delivery. At our last fellowship meeting together we shared lunch and talked about what we had learned and what had stuck out to us over the course of the study. I don't remember what I said then, but I've started to go back and look through my notes and my lessons to see what my answers were. I wrote a ton of notes about suffering.
Romans 5:3-5 says And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulations produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
My notes from the lecture on that lesson talk about suffering and how God can use it in our lives. God uses suffering to direct us...or to motivate us to change. God uses suffering to inspect us- to show us his strength. God uses suffering to correct us- to show us where we are wrong. God uses suffering to protect us- God uses stuff to happen to us to direct us back to him. God is working his good purposes in all our circumstances. Little did I know that I was going to have to rely on these truths when I gave birth to my baby girl at 35 weeks gestation and she was stillborn. I had a placenta abruption and my baby's blood supply was cut of and she passed away to Heaven on May 30th, 2007. Since that day God has used my suffering to draw me back to him. He has shown himself to me and my family in so many circumstances that we have began to make a list of all the things so that we will never forget. The list is going on 3 pages long. I'm still recalling things. One of the questions in the lesson on Romans 5: 1-11 was Do I have peace with God? My answer on 11/08/06 was "Yes, but I have to remind myself often that He is in total control and He knows what is best for my life". I still feel the same way and find I still have to remind myself that God is in control, but now I'm wondering how could giving birth to a stillborn 5 pound completely normal baby be best for my life? I may never know this side of Heaven. Another question on my lesson from 11/08/06 was How has God used suffering in your life to produce perseverance, character and hope? I answered that "Living in the world today, I haven't had much of any suffering, but that I would have to rely on God to get me through the hard time and when there is nothing left to hold to God is always there."
I can now say with total honesty that is true of me. There have been such sad days where I didn't know how I could go on without my baby here on earth with me. I don't get to enjoy her smiles or her 1st steps. In those sad moments I'm reminded that I could never have given her the life on earth that she now has in Heaven. She will never know suffering, sadness or hurt. She is in glorious beauty face to face with our lord and eternally praising him.
Psalm16:11 says "In your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."
A person that we conceived is perfect and is forever praising God. A person that we conceived is at the throne forever praising God. One day me and my baby Hazel Hope will be standing together in the fullness of joy singing praise to our Lord together.

I posted this on a community blog... i thought that I would repost it on my own blog.